TOP TIPS FOR THEATREGOERS AND NEW THEATREGOERS
Have you ever left the theatre wondering ‘if only I had some tips to guide me in direction to possess the best skills imaginable so I can have the greatest theatre experience every time I enter the majestic auditorium doors’. Probably not, that’s a fairly long drawn out thought, something similar to a dramatic Shakespeare character not an audience member.
Below are some of my tips for regular theatregoers and new theatregoers to help you make the most out of your theatre experience.
1. Buying your ticket.
– Become familiar with the show you are going to see. Look up a synopsis or even a review. Why not check out social media land or YouTube, some theatre companies have entered the digital world and have fancy previews and visual teasers.
– Thanks to googletron, you can also find out what style and genre the production contains. That may sound like hard work, don’t worry it’s usually not that much reading involved and it will save you money and hassle in the future. If you are a Wordsmith and want some David Mamet-esque word play, it would be a wise idea not to buy a ticket to an interpretative dance based play.
– Once you have found the show you want, when you are buying your ticket try find a seating plan of the theatre. Some websites will already have the seating plan on the screen so you can pick your seat, but some sites have it on a separate PDF file. You would be surprised how many pillars are in one auditorium. And check out the height of the seat, you don’t want to be so high that you get vertigo. A lot of theatre spaces are very old, a time where the audience didn’t seem to mind visual obstructions and sitting so high up in the theatre that all you can see is the tops of heads.
– Perhaps you find the Internet quite threatening and confusing, it’s a large place with endless amounts of information, a topothesia created by James Joyce and as puzzling as reading Stephen Hawking’s The Universe in a Nutshell. If this applies to you, why not ring up the theatre and ask about the seating plan, cheap tickets that might not be available online, and restaurants or cafes around the theatre.
2. Night of the show.
– First item on the agenda what do you wear? What ever you want! Put on the clothes that make you feel jazzy and spiffy. Or you could take my following suggestions.
A CAPE- What happened to capes? Well to be honest they aren’t the most common item of clothing, mostly seen on the fictional character Dracula. Its 2015 lets change that stereotype, capes are incredibly luxurious and dramatic in its appearance but did you know it is also incredibly functional. If you become too afraid to what you are seeing on stage you can bring the cape up subtly to avert your eyes. Or you could pick up both sides of the cape with your hands and lift it in the air when you are laughing, showing visible theatrical happiness. Letting both the cast and production know you are REALLY enjoying the play. Women, men, children even babies can wear capes. Functional and unspecified to gender.
TRENCH COAT- Trench coats’ are brilliant because they have so many pockets you don’t have to bring a bag and still have space to buy a programme or even a copy of the play. Lack of pocket space and bag space is a common problem with attending the theatre. You usually end up carrying your coat or scarf and then end up balancing your belongings with your drink while trying to socialize. It starts to become a bit awkward and a work out. Not with a trench coat, they are light and have so much space it would make Ikea envious.
HEADSET- Maybe your goal is to fit in so much so the theatre thinks you are part of the company. This is perfectly achieved by wearing black clothes and a headset. Because people will think you are part of the company they will think you are in a rush or some sort of hurry, which will help you skip lines for the toilet or even the bar. For this accessory you need to have a tremendous amount of confidence or just be quick on your feet.
DO NOT WEAR! There is one item of attire that must never be worn at the theatre, which are high heels that need to be heeled. Why such a specific shoe and shoe description, because people who wear high heels that need to be heeled do not know how to lift their feet! Instead drag their feet as if there is a small angry overweight child attached to them. It’s not the noise of the shoes on the ground, but how they stab and scratch the legs and feet of the defenseless spectators sitting in their seats. They usually have a seat in the middle, of course, so this most likely will happen to you no matter where you are sitting.
3. Food.
As for food, the best advice is to eat at home. Food that is away from your modest fridge is usually very expensive and infrastructure will most likely leave you short for time. But if you don’t like that crude fact why not try the following.
– Bring a sandwich with you that you can eat on the go, it might give you indigestion but it will do the job.
– If you are insanely great for timing, check out the restaurants and cafes that exist outside or near the theatre. They usually do theatre deals if you present them with you theatre ticket (this is a genuine fact).
– Don’t bring food to the theatre, you’ll think you’re being smart but from experience the smell of tuna and onions can travel out of your lunch box into the noses of your fellow spectators, who are now glaring at you.
4. The Performance.
Before the performance starts make sure you have gone to the toilet, switched off your phone, make sure you’re in the right seat (didn’t know I paid for the queens box!) and make sure you get comfy as in visually, some times you may have to strategically position yourself because you are in front of a human giraffe. The only other thing to do is to enjoy the show! Here is some advice on what not to do during the show.
– Don’t wave at the actors, they won’t wave back.
– Don’t take any pictures, even if you take the flash off the picture will just look like shit.
– If you find something amusing and have a tendency to hit people when you are laughing, avoid doing so to the stranger sitting next to you. They may end up beating you verbally, its worse than physical harm.
– If you drop something on the ground, you can kiss it goodbye because there is an eclipse from your knees to the floor.
– Don’t call or text during a show- there is awful reception.
Best tip of all…be an active spectator! If you find something funny you can laugh, if you find something upsetting why not have a little cry into your cape. Or if you don’t find it funny or touching don’t feel self-conscience. Theatre is to be experienced not to put the fear of God into you that you are not doing the appropriate social activity. Unless you are going to a Punchdrunk performance, but that throws all rules out the window.
5. The Interval.
For those of you who don’t know an interval is a 15 minute break in the middle of a show where you can get a drink, have a chat and if you feel like it have a lavatory break. It sounds like a decent amount of time, but its not…
The minute you leave the breathy sauna of an auditorium you find out the loos are full, the bar is packed and you cant find the front of house for love or money and all you want is a drink a water and a map to try to find the front door because you cant use the door you came in for some odd unsaid reason. Don’t worry I have some advice, but not for the door, I have no idea why they do that.
– When the lights fade to black and the show ends you should already be ready to leave, bag in hand, feet already walking away from your seat. Go to the toilet first, the toilets are full in seconds and theatres usually don’t have a lot of toilets. But don’t run to them someone will tell you off, instead be like a swan, calm from the waist upwards and from the waist down, your legs better be going ninety.
– The bar, well if you’re by yourself you’ll think ‘damn why didn’t I bring anyone with me?’ By the time you’re finished in the loo the bar is already full. If you didn’t bring a theatre buddy with you, you’re best bet is to slide through the middle two innocent friends talking to each other, walk swiftly as if the bar person is calling you. There is a bit of acting involved, and you’re in the best place to practice this talent.
– If you want some food, well you should have eaten before you came to the theatre, where do you think this is your gran’s kitchen! And they most likely wont have any food, because hummus is a right shithead to get out of the carpet.
If you have five minutes to spare by some miracle, why don’t you…I’m only joking its impossible to have a spare 5 minutes during an interval.
6. Second half of the show.
Same rules apply like the start of the show, and most importantly enjoy it!
The only advice that could be given is to clap at the end of the show. Show how much you enjoyed it by clapping like a lunatic. Maybe even have a motorized dog tail attached to your back to really emphasis your joy and satisfaction. Be dramatic, you are in a theatre after all.
7. End of the show, the Foyer.
At the end of the show you might see a few people hanging around the foyer chatting away to friends. You probably will see some of the cast fresh of the stage and even the director. Why not approach them and ask them some questions you had about the show, obviously not while they are on the phone to loved ones. What theatre people have you heard of that doesn’t like talking about their show? That’s right, no one! This is probably due to the fact theatre folk have put all their money and time into producing theatre, they cant remember how to talk about normal things like the weather, politics or sometimes they cant remember personal hygiene.
The only theatre folk that don’t enjoy talking about their work is playwrights, that’s because they have just released themselves from their harshly lit computer screens and they are trying to readjust both their eye sight and mind to the real world. Playwrights can be fragile entities, be gentle.
One tip for foyer interaction is not to say ‘I didn’t get it’, instead ask ‘why was/ were….’followed by your query.
If this doesn’t go well and the theatre person isn’t very friendly, why not draw some classic moustaches and uni brows on their posters. Anonymous vandalism is effective and you wont get caught, unless you draw really slowly then you’re fucked.
8. After show chats/ Post show discussions/ Question time.
After show chats can be really interesting and insightful, they consist of the cast and some of the crew on the stage talking about how and why they staged their production. The main obstacles they encountered, creative opportunities they generated and some history about the company and their artistic theatrical efficacy. These discussions usually occur with a new production and happen at the beginning of the production. This is a really great opportunities to gain a higher understanding from some of your favourite performances straight from the horses mouth. These discussions can be thought provoking and informative that ignites passion and enthusiasm to both fellow theatre makers and the audience.
Although, these discussions can be an artistically stimulating place I must warn about a special type of person that attends every after show chats. No matter what theatre production you have attended theses unique creatures will always be found. They are called…the Theatre arse lickers.
Be prepared to be very agitated. But you must power through and pray to the theatre gods that they shut their mouths. The Theatre arse licker attends these chats in an effort to either network or gloat about their knowledge about theatre. Usually people listening eagerly cant wait to ask a question, but beware the theatre arse licker will get their first. They wont even ask a question they will just say an incredibly long statement about live performance being a ‘game changer’ then followed by a quote ‘they read on the way in’ by Foucault. Never making any real sense or picking up on the awkward tone by the director struggling to try find some kind of bullshit answer so the FOH can unclasp the microphone from their hand.
Other than that, after show chats are brilliant. And a good place to practice your ‘interested’ looking facial expressions.
9. Finally…
When you are going to the theatre make sure you are going to be entertained or informed by something that interests you. Theatre does not exist to make you look intelligent, it is a form of art that is to be experienced. There are so many styles of theatre out there that there is something for everyone in the audience.
Have a theatre-tastic day!
K.Poushpom ©
The Madwoman in the Theatre. 